So Sallie Says

One of the most important things for a writer to know is their audience. While I know that mine definitely doesn’t include any men thinking about what to get their children’s mothers for Mother’s Day, it does include the aforementioned children’s mothers who know that with less than two weeks ’til Mother’s Day, subtlety is not the path to a good gift. So, moms, feel free to share this post with whomever you need.

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This is a Mother’s Day guide in every sense of the word, so you know what to gift the mom in your life and how to make sure the whole day is a success.

Phase 1: Plan

The first and most important thing to do is adequately prepare. This will sound pedantic, but I’m just trying to look out for you and for your partner (tbh mostly for her). You don’t want to lose before the day even gets here, so ask yourself these questions:

• What day is Mother’s Day? It’s May 11. Go put it on your calendar, and set a reminder. Do not forget.
• Have I talked to my wife/partner/baby mama about how she would like to celebrate? I’m going to let you in on a secret: moms don’t like surprises. We deal with enough unexpected and frankly unwarranted shenanigans as it is. I would rather describe my dream day to my husband in minutia detail than be surprised by a well-intentioned yet undesirable gift. And moms have different expectations for Mother’s Day: some like to spend the day with their kids, and others are sane, so just make sure you know where she stands on the issue.
• Am I taking on the mental load of planning? This one goes hand-in-hand with the above, and it’s important to strike a balance here. You want to make sure you’re giving her what she wants, but not being so incompetent on the delivery that she ends up planning it herself. I’m not being facetious when I say that this is hard — and it’s good for moms to practice a little empathy here — but the easiest way to do this is to ask yourself if you’re doing what your wife would typically do to make something special happen (e.g., arranging childcare, gathering snacks for the car, grocery shopping ahead of time, making sure the diaper bag is stocked).

Phase 2: Execute

Now that you’re adequately prepared, it’s go time. I’ve listed my suggestions in order from free to not-free to appeal to dads of all fiscal persuasions.

• Artwork or letters by the kids. My kids could be 18 and 16 and I would still want their handprints painted into a flower or a hand-written letter (I love the idea of fill-in worksheets). It’s harder than it looks to coordinate, but it’s perfect no matter the result.
• Breakfast in bed. This is Mother’s Day-core but if it ain’t broke don’t fix it!! Bonus points if you run out to Starbucks to add in a latte because there’s just something about an away game brew.
• Flowers, a card, and the morning off. Each of these things cannot stand alone but together you’ve got a solid gift. It’s as easy as a trip to Trader Joe’s and taking the kids to the playground. You can even find printable cards on Etsy to make it even easier (coincidentally, I actually sell some like this one, or this one, this one, or this one, which is a great opportunity to support a woman (and mom!!) in the arts this year).
• Candle warmer. These are cute and they make your candles last a long time. Here’s one on Amazon but you can find them at Marshalls, World Market, and Michaels depending on your propensity for problematic corporations.
• The SimpleModern Voyager Signature tumbler. I know the last thing we all need is yet another stainless steel drinking device but all moms actually do need this specific one. You can literally throw this tumbler full of hot coffee in a bag and it will not spill a drop. Yeti is shaking, Stanley is quaking, Brumate is faking! This product is not getting the attention it deserves and I’m on a mission to change that and, by extension, the world.
• Hair dryer brush or blow dryer. I promise you, your wife needs a new hair dryer. I have had the Drybar dryer brush for years and use it almost every day but literally just go to Ulta and ask them to help you.
• Nice pajamas. Unfortunately, the only times moms can actually look nice is when we’re sleeping because the rest of the day we’re dodging spit-up, jelly stains, and (probably? hopefully??) mud. A nice pajama set is a little luxurious but also practical so tell her to throw out the old T-shirt and boxer because mama’s getting an upgrade. I like 100% cotton PJs like these especially for postpartum moms because the night sweats are real.
• Kindle. I hate to link to Amazon twice but if you’ve somehow avoided getting a Kindle this long, cut it out. This should be a pre-requisite for motherhood because you can read it in the dark while nursing a baby or lying on the floor of a toddler’s room for two hours.
• Massage, facial, or head spa. You cannot go wrong with any of these things (while I’ve never had a head spa I have Googled it and just seeing the pictures of this treatment makes me ascend into the astral plane).
• Car detailing. Speaking of things that project me into other dimensions is videos of car detailing results. I dream of a world where my car isn’t covered in a thin layer of Goldfish dust and the slim possibility someone will find my lost RayBans in some hidden crevice underneath the driver’s seat.
• Family photos. Any woman would love this gift if executed properly, so proceed with caution. It requires advanced planning to find and book a decent photographer, as well as careful outfit visioning and coordination. Most importantly, family members have to commit to bringing good vibes only: no complaining, no attitudes, and no face injuries the day before the photoshoot. Be honest with your strengths and whether you can feasibly pull this off — if you can, we’re rooting for you.

Phase 3: Sustain

You’ve planned the perfect day, you’ve gifted the perfect gift, but there’s just one thing left to do. Mother’s Day is an annual holiday (I know, I can’t believe it’s not monthly either), so I want you to think very carefully about your long-term strategy here. It’s important not to start things you can’t continue, but family traditions are sweet and unique, so consider how you want the mom in your life to be celebrated year after year.

As for me and my family’s tradition, each Mother’s Day I lay in bed all day, no one under 4 feet is allowed to enter my room, and I binge Bravo with an NFL Redzone octobox setup, which is somehow less stimulating than a normal day.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms, moms-to-be, grandmas, caregivers, aunts, and friends that comprise someone’s village.