So Sallie Says

Are these things embarrassing, or do I just have anxiety?

1. Referring to my spouse by his name. Using “Tyler” in a sentence to someone else just feels l’m trying to trick people into believing that I’m married.
2. New Year’s resolutions. Not just yours, mine too. Thinking that reading 50 books will make me a better person IS fundamentally embarrassing.
3. Picking the radio station in the car. There’s so much pressure and I feel like people need to be less judgmental about the 80s, 90s, and today station.
4. Using a gift card. Nothing makes me feel more like an eight year old than when I hand a cashier a gift card and they think “What, did your mom drive you here?” so loudly I can hear it.
5. Meeting a dog. The audacity of dogs to be sniffing my crotch yet I’m the one embarrassed? How do they do it?
6. My child committing a social faux pas. We forget that kids do not just naturally know societal norms, and we see them as an extension of ourselves, so when they do things like cut in line my tendency is to panic and say something like “Get a load of this guy! He must be new here,” which somehow does not make the situation less awkward.
7. When you order pizza but tipped online. Genuine question: do they know you tipped at point-of-sale or do you just look like a jerk?
8. Waiting to see if the Costco receipt checker will let you out of the store. Is this really necessary when the entire Costco experience already feels like a hostage situation?
9. The podcast pause. Looking at you Ira Glass.
10. Billionaires. In 2025? Can we not. (Let’s just hope by 2026 it’ll be even more embarrassing.)