So Sallie Says

It was a real trip.

We just got back from a week at the beach, our first family vacation as a family of four. I want to be one of those moms that travels with kids, but my kids have never been on an airplane and have only visited three states (and Maryland was only because we had to). I just don’t have the stamina for traveling with kids, so my expectations for this trip were on the ground. I was also characteristically dramatic before we left and threatened to call off the trip, because I have packing anxiety and “a LoT tO dO aT wOrK.” But lo and behold, we had a great time, even though I got pooped on twice and it took us 10 hours to get home. Which, now that I think about it is less time than a flight to Mexico City….

Anyway, here are some meandering observations, advice, and thinly veiled complaints…

On bathing suits

Did anyone ask for removable cups, or were they another invention of the patriarchy designed to slowly grind down our will to live? By the time I die, I will have spent approximately 245 days of my life fishing them out, flattening them, and stuffing them back into their tiny fabric tunnels.

On a more empowering note: I’m now a swim skirt influencer. I got tired of my butt gobbling up every single swimsuit bottom, and frankly, I don’t have time to pick wedgies. I’m too busy adjusting removable cups. Swim skirts are not matronly anymore. They’re cute. They’re practical. Join me.

On sand

Or, if you’re my 10-month old, “of sand.” He ate a lot of it. But he’s right — stop worrying about the sand and just surrender to it. I read 400 reviews of “must have beach gear for babies” (sand-repelling blankets, prison-like shade pods) and I’m glad I bought none of it. They’re all scams and the baby seemed to really enjoy the sand anyway. Especially the taste.

Also, has anyone figured out how to walk on the sand in flip flops without it getting kicked all the way up your back or is that just a me problem?

On beach wagons

I don’t own one. I want one. My husband doesn’t. I ended up being the VP of Schlep of this trip, which I knew would happen and tried to prevent by urging us to buy a beach wagon several times before leaving. Despite repeated promises that he would “carry everything,” each morning ’twas I who dragged the beach chairs, shade, towels, snacks, water, toys, and baby out to the beach, getting it set up just in time for my husband and the toddler to saunter up like it was a Sandals resort. My husband doesn’t read this blog and assumes it’s full of slander about him, but is it slanderous to laud him of his impeccable timing or for saving us $70 at Costco?

On car trips

I haven’t taken flight with my kids, but we’ve put a lot of miles on the car and if there’s one thing I grieve about my old life it’s being a passenger princess. Sure, I’m still riding shotgun but believe that I am calling no shots in that car. I am merely a snack-slinging, toy-tossing iPad referee that gravely regrets getting the captain’s chairs and not the bench seat.

On taking kids to the beach

Like I said, my bar was low for this trip. And while it was 7 straight days of grueling physical labor and the most rest I got was one morning when I took a shower alone, vacations are no longer about me (rude!). They’re about experiencing the beach through the eyes of my children — melting popsicles, swimming with cousins, kite-flying, experiencing new sounds and sights…and tastes and textures.

If you’re planning a trip with little kids, I’ll leave you with this advice: lower the bar, charge the iPad, and for the love of god, get the wagon.