So Sallie Says

A survival guide for people who hate summer

I’ll just come right out and say it. I am a summer hater and a Halloween girlie. By the end of July, I’m so furious over sweating, mosquitoes, hot car seats, and losing my sunglasses that it fuels my “I could survive a New England winter” disillusionment through ‘til mid-March. It doesn’t help that I live in the DC area, a place where no one has ever de-boarded a plane and thought “wow, the weather is great here.”

But we’re closing out an unseasonably and delightfully cool Labor Day weekend and if summer were like this every year, I’d be a fan (not just needing one). Here are some ways I think we can improve upon the worst season, for consideration for summer 2026.

Rethink the calendar

Nothing makes me question reality more than hearing someone say “summer has officially started!” on June 21. NO. The start of summer is the Thursday before Memorial Day, and I don’t care if it’s 60 degrees and raining the whole weekend long. And before you accuse me of just trying to start summer sooner just to get it over with, I actually think Labor Day weekend as the “end of summer” is a scam. It is hotter than the devil’s armpit well into October these days, and the pools are closing way too soon. (Side note: if you need any more proof that global warming exists remember how we used to wear denim jeans on the first day of school?!) So it’s settled: the new dates of summer are late May to late September. Meeting adjourned.

Rebrand the month of August

It’s not August’s fault it sucks — it’s been the victim of a subtle yet powerful smear campaign. We’re packing too much into June and July that by the time August rolls around no one has the energy left. (BTW, if you’re going to the beach in June that’s psychotic. The beach is for July and September ONLY.) I think we need to dedicate something special that’s Just For August. Here are some ideas:

• Taking the month off work. And yes, I mean the whole month. I don’t want to set an out-of-office, I want the company to be closed. Business should halt, European style. America is summering now, people.
• Going camping. You know where summer doesn’t suck? The mountains. August should be camping month. The air is a little cooler but the bugs are still loud enough at night to set the vibe. Camping in August. Go pitch your tent.
• A sporting spectacle. I would never suggest Sports unless it was desperate, so please understand the gravity of the situation. I’ll be honest that I know very little about sporting seasons/am unwilling to do any research, and while I gather that there are sports happening, what I’m talking about is needing a nationwide phenomenon, like the US Women’s soccer team in 2019 or the Super Bowl. Give me an annual August Olympics, or at the very least, a nationally televised, high-stakes badminton tournament.

Chill out on autumn

I mean obviously, duh. We all love to feign disgust that the Halloween stuff is out in July, but we are complicit! If you’ve done one or more of these things before the Autumn Equinox you’re part of the problem:

• Bought or lit an apple scented candle
• Tasted or thought about tasting a hard cider
• Made eye contact with a pumpkin pillow at Target
• Clicked the link for a $39 chunky sweater from Amazon

Excluded intentionally from this list is planning your Halloween costume, an acceptable year-round activity.

Here are some things you can do instead to just let summer breathe a little for the love of God:

• Drink an iced coffee
• Take a big whiff of Hawaiian Tropic sunscreen
• Cut a pair of jorts
• Channel the Amalfi coast: wear only white (everyone is a bride in September), eat a Caprese salad, drink an Aperol spritz, bite into a lemon like an apple
• Buy a trendy pair of sunglasses that look good on everyone else but will look horrible on you (bonus points if you immediately lose them)
• Cube and freeze a watermelon (which is also how I survived a summer pregnancy)
• Read a beach book (for girls only — books set in Nantucket are NOT for men)
• Drive with your windows down

What’s your hot take on summer? Remember – there’s still at least a month left before we have to pack it in and unpack the 12′ Home Depot skeleton.